Guilty Until Proven Innocent

June is Men's Mental Health Month.

And if I'm being honest, when I think about men's mental health, I think about Black men.

I think about the pressure.

The expectations.

The stereotypes.

The assumptions.

I think about how many Black men walk through life feeling like they have to prove who they are before anyone takes the time to get to know them.

Too often they are viewed as guilty until proven innocent.

Not just in courtrooms.

In schools.

In workplaces.

In relationships.

In everyday interactions.

Sometimes for no other reason than the color of their skin.

And that type of pressure weighs on a person's mental health.

Because eventually you start asking yourself a dangerous question:

"Will people ever see me for who I am?"

The Labels

The truth is many people won't.

Because some people are committed to the version of you that benefits them.

Not the version of you that is growing.

Not the version of you that is healing.

Not the version of you that is free.

They are attached to the old story.

The old mistakes.

The old labels.

The old environment.

And sometimes those people are family.

Sometimes they're friends.

Sometimes they're people who knew you before you knew yourself.

The reality is that being judged by your past isn't something that only happens to Black men.

But many Black men know what it feels like to be judged before they've even had the opportunity to tell their story.

And that's a heavy burden to carry.

The Prison

Y'all know that idea of somebody doing time with you?

Not necessarily prison.

A season.

A struggle.

A mindset.

A way of life.

Imagine two people going through the same storm.

Both making mistakes.

Both surviving.

Both doing things they aren't proud of.

Then one person decides to change.

To heal.

To grow.

To create something different.

But the other person stays mentally imprisoned.

Now every time they see you, they want access to the old version of you.

The version that struggled with them.

The version that made them comfortable.

The version that didn't challenge them to grow.

And because y'all shared a history, you start feeling like you owe them something.

You tolerate disrespect.

You tolerate chaos.

You tolerate behavior that threatens everything you've worked hard to build.

Not because they're right.

But because you feel guilty for leaving a place they never left.

Don't Let Them

Don't let anyone threaten your future because of what you did in your past.

Read that again.

Don't let anyone threaten your future because of what you did in your past.

Your mistakes were lessons.

Not life sentences.

The problem is that some people keep bringing up old versions of you because that's the version they are most comfortable with.

The version before the healing.

The version before the growth.

The version before the freedom.

But your future does not belong to the people who refuse to acknowledge your growth.

It belongs to you.

My Truth

I understand this more than most.

There are people who don't respect what I do today because of who I used to be.

People who can't see the therapist because they're still focused on the young woman trying to survive.

People who can't see the business owner because they're focused on the mistakes.

People who can't see the author because they're focused on the past.

People who can't see the speaker, the mentor, the mother, or the entrepreneur because they're attached to a version of me that no longer exists.

And if I'm being completely honest, sometimes it isn't about who you used to be.

Sometimes it's about who they still are.

Your growth becomes a reminder of the growth they're avoiding.

Hope Gives Access

I've been saying something a lot lately:

Hope Gives Access.

But what does that actually mean?

To me, hope isn't wishful thinking.

Hope is seeing what's possible.

Hope is seeing someone else break a cycle and realizing you can too.

Hope is seeing someone come from where you came from and build something different.

Hope gives access to possibilities you cannot yet see.

Hope gives access to healing.

Hope gives access to freedom.

Hope gives access to a different future.

Because once you KNOW something is possible, you start moving differently.

You start thinking differently.

You start making different decisions.

And eventually, you start creating a different life.

The Bannister Effect

There is a concept called the Bannister Effect.

For years people believed running a mile in under four minutes was impossible.

Then one person did it.

Roger Bannister broke the barrier.

And shortly afterward, other people started doing it too.

Not because their bodies suddenly changed.

Because their beliefs changed.

Once they saw it was possible, the impossible became possible.

That's what hope does.

It gives people access to possibility.

And honestly, that's what I'm trying to do with my life.

I want people to see that you can come from nothing.

You can grow up in difficult environments.

You can make mistakes.

You can have a criminal record.

You can be on probation.

You can become a single parent.

You can be the person who never fit the mold.

You can be counted out.

Overlooked.

Misunderstood.

Judged.

And still create a life you don't want to escape.

I wasn't always the therapist.

I wasn't always the business owner.

I wasn't always the author.

I wasn't always the speaker.

Like many people, I was a product of my environment before I became a product of my choices.

Not because I'm special.

Because I'm proof.

Proof that your beginning doesn't have to determine your ending.

Proof that your past doesn't have to determine your future.

Proof that healing, growth, and transformation are possible.

And if it's possible for one person, it becomes easier for others to believe it's possible for them too.

For the Men

So this Men's Mental Health Month, especially for the Black men reading this, I want you to remember:

You are more than your mistakes.

You are more than other people's assumptions.

You are more than the labels that were placed on you.

You are more than your past.

You do not have to spend your life proving your innocence to people committed to misunderstanding you.

Keep growing.

Keep healing.

Keep creating.

Keep becoming.

The people meant for your future will recognize who you are now.

Not who you used to be.

Ci Notes

Affirmation:

I am more than my past. I honor my growth and trust my future.

Reflection Question:

Where in my life am I still trying to prove my innocence instead of embracing who I have become?

Final Truth:

Just because someone still sees the old version of you doesn't mean you have to become that person again.